Why Do People Become Narcissistic?
PAUL MEIER, M.D.
Lisa Charlebois, L.C.S.W.
Cynthia Munz, L.M.F.T.
The following excepts are from these experts soon to be released book entitled;
“YOU MIGHT BE A NARCISSIST IF…”
How to Identify Narcissism in Ourselves and Others and What We Can Do About It.
“There are two major camps of thought about what creates narcissism or narcissistic defences in a child ...
The first one suggests that the child has been overindulged, idealized, and not held responsible for his actions. Specifically, this school of thought implies extreme behaviour wherein the “…parents come to view their child as ‘God’s gift to mankind.’ ...
The other camp of thought regarding the causes of narcissism emphasizes that narcissism is not always simply the result of being spoiled in childhood. Narcissism often also occurs as a defensive reaction to abuse or neglect ... which creates trauma in the area of attachment and disables the growth of a healthy sense of self. In our clinical experience, we have seen narcissistic character traits created from both scenarios—with some clients having been way overindulged and some having experienced abuse and or neglect.”
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Ok so I agree with this and know that these doctors also believe (as I do) that spoiling is in fact a severe form of neglect, as teaching a child healthy boundaries and appropriate behaviour is an important part of their love and care.
I have noticed also that parents of narcissistic children often will have unrealistic expectations of their child, for instance they may be pushing their child to excel in some particular field of study of career, when the child (or young adult) has not yet even mastered their table manners or the ability to share.
In this way, small challenges and goals, consistent with a person’s ability will help any individual grow in maturity without either becoming bored because of the lack of a challenge or frazzled because of being overwhelmed.
It never ceases to surprise me the number of woman who will hang on to a secret hope that their partner will suddenly become the “Knight in Shining Armour” of their dreams, without seeing that this same man is actually failing to meet basic social standards in common values or even simple courtesy. These skills and values need to be taught with patience and with much more realistic expectations of what this person is capable of. “Let’s see if you can ... “ in my experience can work wonders in developing maturity (in children and adults alike) if small and obtainable goals are chosen and the person taking the initiative to do the teaching has earned their ‘students’ trust.
Kim Cooper
